I have been around a lot of sadness lately. Heartbreaking sadness.
We all go through our days with the list of to do's and we get through that sleep and repeat.
Within the past month and a half a 25 year old young and full of life man that does contract work for me was in a tragic vehicle accident with his six year old in the car. My contractor died on the scene of that accident and his little boy was airlifted to a hospital an hour and a half away. That precious child died the next day after his young mother was faced with the worst decision a parent should never have to make. A very dear and beloved colleague of mine planned a hike with her family. Her husband opted to wait at the bottom for her and her daughter as he just didn't feel well. She came down from the hike to find that in that short time he had collapsed and passed away. A very dear family member of mine who is also my dads very best friend was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer a week ago and has been given the prognosis of 2-4 weeks remaining in his life. I visited him this past weekend and just can't believe this is true, he was so full of life, how can it just go away? My heart is so heavy right now with grief and also with guilt.
Every day I wake up with my list of to do's my list of "have" to's. I have to get up early to go run because I have to get in the shower by 6:30am because I have to be at work because I have a long list of things to do. I have to get all that done then I have to come home and cook dinner because my family will be hungry then I have to feed all my animals and I have to clean up the kitchen from dinner. I probably also have to do a load of laundry or I have to help with homework then I really have to get in the bed by 10 because I have to do this all over again tomorrow.
After visiting with this very dear family member on Sunday at the Veterans Hospital, I stopped by my Nana Smith's house. Her house still belongs to my family so I was able to do this. This is the time of year that she would call me to say the blueberries are dripping off the bush and I had better come pick them right away. I grabbed a grocery bag out of my car and went to those bushes. I was alone, just me and my thoughts and her blueberry bushes. I am certain that in the light breeze that blew and kept me cool I felt her presence as well. I picked and picked until my fingers were blue and purple and my bag was full. I cried, I prayed and I just was. I could hear my Nana sharing her words of wisdom and letting me know she was glad I was there and I could hear God speaking to my heart.
I have updated my story, I am reminded of how much this one life we get is such an incredible gift. I am so blessed with this amazing family. I have everything in them I could ever want for in life. Rather than waking up with the list of have to's I am reminded to wake up with the I get to's. I am fortunate enough to have another day with the people I love and the things I do only enhance the life I have. I am blessed beyond measure and so very thankful.
Please pray if you will for my family and extended family during this very difficult time and may we all be reminded of our good fortune to have known and loved incredible people throughout our lifetime.
Grace, Peace and Love <3